People fall in and out of interests all the time, right?
Nobody can really remember their first childhood show, or what their favorite letter was or something, the first song they loved and whatever whatever. Unless you can. Then you’re weird.
Everything is constantly changing, nothing ever stays the same. No matter how much I would've liked it to, people and best friends forgotten, time lost chasing unreachable dreams, and.. stuff like that.
While yes, it sounds like I am undergoing a mid-life crisis, and I am, to be honest, These are all things that stuck to my head after.. picking up an old game I liked.

Pokemon Crystal was my favorite game. It just had the best.. feeling to me. In general it was just very enjoyable and a solid experience and storyline. I appreciate it alot..
So, I decided to just… pick it up again. My uncle’s a game collector, when I fell out of pokemon all those years ago, they ended up handing over my Crystal after a bit of spring cleaning.
I didn't mind, obviously, they asked me first and I didn't care about Pokemon then.. but I wanted to go down memory lane one more time for the first time in a while.
I just asked and, while, sure, he gave me a strange look for it, he shrugged it off and let me keep it for a hot minute..most collectors wouldn't dream of letting anyone actually interact with their collection, even if the owner asked for it back.. but he did joke about me owing him a pretty hefty amount if anything got messed up.
Butttt I’m his favorite niece, so..
Now, both the game and the gbc were really dusty, and I mean extremely dusty, so dusty you’d be stuck trying to un-dust it and would still find heaps later.

I didn’t mind it though, as I just wanted to play so I just jumped in, and got to playing.
Everything just seemed normal.
I don't know what to say, it was just fine.
The only problem that seemed to arise was that there was a save file that I couldn't delete… I couldn't do anything about it.. I felt a bit weird about it, just looking over all of this old save file. Hell, I had a full party, completed dex, badges, and more! Hell, even the time on the save file was maxed out at “999:59”.
So what the hell was I supposed to really do here?
How did I even play this game for that long? It never felt that long. That’s such an insane amount of time for a kid to be playing for, too..
In the end, I guessed I just wanted a trip down memory lane anyway. Maybe even just seeing all the familiar spots would bring me to a sense of nostalgia, and that’d be enough.. I hoped.
Booting up the save, I was dropped into.. nothing.
I was surrounded by nothing.
I almost felt.. like nothing, staring at this blank screen, just complete pitch black darkness, staring at my reflection in the gbc screen. It took me a solid 5 minutes to realize the game was actually on and I could move, feeling like an absolute idiot as I searched for any doors or exits… I found one eventually, and came into an empty room.. this time, with light! And actual distinctive things!
It was the player’s house, and we, presumably, stepped out of the player’s room.
There was no music and everything felt.. empty. It was a house but nothing was in it. No tables, no chairs, no mom, nothing. Just a room with what seemed to be crooked floorboards and everything looking.. old, and dilapidated. I don't know why but this unnerved me. Well, I do know why, it’s because I’ve never seen this in any of my playthroughs… I feel like I would remember something like this.
Heading out of the house, however, brought even more strangeness to the forefront.. Everything looked rundown. Abandoned. Hell, some houses weren't even there to be honest.

Everything just looked…dead.
Nature was reclaiming everything.. paths, treelines, homes and stores alike.. fences.. I could never find a single npc. It was frustrating and unsettling at the same time.
I got the wise idea to check my party; you know, the one that appeared fully leveled and a full team?
They were there, but all grayed out.
Their sprites didn't move, they were all just… there.
Clicking on the first, gave me a line of text.
“In loving memory, Leafy.”
The pokemon was a Meganium.
And it continued with all of them
“In loving memory, Isaiah”
A pikachu
“In loving memory, Flare”
Arcanine.
“In loving memory, Vee”
Eevee.
…
And so on.

I know, this is crazy. I know I might be jumping over the entire train tracks to reach this conclusion, but. I swear, these names meant something. I mean, still mean something.
During my very first playthrough I’d give all of my pokemon silly names like this. The last game I played before this was a mystery dungeon game, I was introduced to that part of the franchise by my ex. Isaiah.
I always had him be the Pikachu while I always tried to get eevee or riolu. Out of all the names, why would there just be a sudden, completely human name there? It doesn't make sense to me, much less for how old this game must’ve been?
It just.. sent me back to how things were back then. How they were different. How I was still caught up in old feelings, how I’ve… never really changed through all these years.
..sorry, that’s a bit personal for a creepy recollection of an old game.
Maybe I should edit that part out, I can't tell…
anyways.

The game was just mostly walking.
I started to retrace my steps from early game to end game… eventually, I found a pokeball.
It didn't give me an item, instead, it gave me a sentence, and a prompt.
It went something like..
“You’ve been stuck for a long time.”
“Every day has been the same”
and a yes or no response.
Obviously, this took me out of everything.
But at the same time, it felt genuine. Like a warm hand trying to help me along..
Maybe I just go along with things too easily. Maybe I look for an escape in anything I do.
Is that so wrong?
Maybe I want things to be more interesting! Maybe I want something to help me along.. Tell me where to go and what to do.. something to trust in.

It feels so familiar, so nostalgic, It feels like meeting an old friend or seeing a beloved family member.. older. softer, worn with time..

..And so I continued. Down the familiar path, through familiar areas, devoid of life and activity. Houses, emptied. Pokestops, and more, emptied.. Nothing was intractable but the pokeballs. I couldn't mess with my pokemon at all, either.
It was just.. walking and recollecting a past time.
Remembering the nights I spent with this, back when mom was still around.
Back when I was a kid and everything was easier, better..

I don't usually look back on things so often as this, but this game just.. reminded me of everything that used to be, everything I lost.
With everything looking so old, so overgrown and dilapidated, every sentence I get from the pokeball prompts just keep getting even more personal. It feels like.. it’s talking to me.
Asking me if I was well.
If cupcakes were still my favorite food.. If I ate any recently.
It has to be because it was growing with me, hasn't it? It’s every part of my pokemon experience. The start of my life, to now. That’s why I remember it so clearly, but it feels so far away at the same time.
The names, how old everything’s gotten.. how.. fucked up all of this is!

There’s so much more I can say about this game. There’s so much more that happened, and when I realized it, everything seemed to get.. brighter.
There was actual music now.. a soft melody that I’ve never heard before from a game.. much less so clear coming from a gbc?
Everything felt so much more serene. So much more like a home I once left behind, it was welcoming.
As I continued further and further to the endgame, more pokeballs showed up.

“I’ve been watching you grow for so long”

It all felt so abstract. So unreal, how much this game was talking to me.
How much she knew me.
It started off so vague, then it felt like she was. Reaching out to me.

I stopped using the “Yes” and “No” options a long while ago. I was actually speaking, talking to her. And she responded to me.

It went on for what felt like hours… It was like meeting again with an old friend who missed me. Who I haven't caught up with for years.
I didn't want to make up some reason or logic in my head.
I just wanted to.. accept this, and talk to her.
How did I ever drop this game? How could I have left my closest friend behind?

This spanned for.. days. Just catching up.
Hell, she’d even make sure I’d take the time to eat at the proper time.. drink water, shower…
God knows I’ve been falling behind on that even before finding her.

…
“Take me with you please. Show me the world.”
And so I did.
I’ve been stuck for a while. Trapped in my own room.. stuck there on a computer. No ambitions, no dreams to push towards, just.. nothing to my name.
Lord knows I haven't been making genuine connections in a while. I haven't interacted with people that weren't my family in forever. They were worried for me.

She was much the same. Trapped and forgotten, left to rot and wane away in a world that had nothing left to do in it. Everything was gone, laid dormant and trapped at the end of time.
A few days ago, I’d considered myself insane to be relating to a game of all things. But now? I feel like I can do something again. Be something again.

We both can be.